Wish, Wife, Wo

Did I ever tell you how I got my wife?

Well this is about how it went. I was watching my wife (before she was my wife) from across a beautiful creek flowing from a crystal lake nestled in a green glacial valley. I had met her several years earlier at a "desperate singles" gathering. It was meant for people over the age of 19 who had not yet manage to make the leap into marriage (I was tricked into coming because my friend said there were going to be free nachos (they weren't free)).

I was huddled in the corner trying to resist the pursuits of several plain-Jane girls when I saw her (my future wife) walk into the door. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen; tall, graceful, gorgeous. I wet my pants there on the spot, which turned out to be a blessing because it drove away all the uglies. I quickly poured an entire can of root-beer and plate of nachos down my pants to hide my accident then walked over to the dream that had just entered my life. I walked up to introduce my self and explain (using a lie) the nachos still sticking to my pants. She took one look at me (and my nacho pants that smelled suspiciously like urine) and walked back out the door.

I didn't see her for another three weeks when I happened to bump into her at the ice cream shop. She was much more receptive when I tried to introduce my self:
"Hi my name is Ben, I have never seen a nacho in my life"
"Hi Ben, I am not interested in you because you're short"
"I have some pretty tall tales." I said, desperately hoping that would compensate for my obvious physical deficiency.
(In case you couldn't guess that was the wrong thing to say at that particular moment)

From that time on I made every effort to be near her. Things started looking up; she looked in my direction and smiled; I wet my pants again and had to leave before I could discuss it with her. (I have since been successfully treated for excitability and a weak sphincter). The next time I talked to her she finally looked me strait in they eye and smiled. I was thrilled until she said "you flirt like a third grader and your lifts are fooling anybody" at which point I almost gave up trying.

Nearly a year when by before I saw her again. She just happened to be in Idaho at a crystal lake nestled in a green glacial valley. As I sat there across the creek admiring her majestic movements and delicious figure I noticed a rock by my feet. It was a strange moss covered rock that glowed blue. I picked it up immediately determining (in my indefatigably imaginative mind) that it was a wishing rock and made a wish.
"I wish Christina would fall in love with me."
Then I took the obvious next step... I threw the rock at her.

Knocked the poor dear out cold. I stood there dazed by what I had done when all the sudden her dad sprung out of the bushes with furry in his eyes.
"What are you doing! Are you crazy!"
Wetting my pants "I am only crazy in love with your daughter."
"You sure have an interesting way of showing it"
"That rock was a wishing rock..."
Understanding crossed his face and he gave me a faint smile. "You wished that she would fall in love with you, didn't you bed-wetter."
"Umm..." not sure if it was safe to say, "Yes."
"Fifty thousand dollars"
"What?"
"If you want her you will have to give me fifty thousand dollars."

I was in a tight spot, you can't tactfully offer a lower price for your future wife; negotiation prospects were shot. I looked at Christina with her beautiful brown hair falling across he exquisite unconscious face.
"You got it, do you want that lump some or periodic payments."
"annual payments will be fine but I will have to tack on 10% interest."

And that is how I got my wife. Fortunately for me she is worth far more than fifty thousand, but it is a bummer that all my Bed Wetter Anonymous counseling fees have to go to pay off my father in law. With that in mind I am always looking for another wishing rock.


Disclaimer:
Some of these events along with the character of certain parties involved have not been sufficient verified by an unbiased third party and so could be absolute fiction (although I for one believe them).