Fenrir (not as dead as we all hoped)

I found out the real name of the big bad wolf; it is Fenrir from Norse mythology.

So this is how the story goes (you can find the complete Wikipedia version here Fenrisulfr) Loki (some god I think) Had three monster children, one of them was Fenrir. Fenrir is a wolf that grew at an amazing rate, he is very strong, and reminds me of Samson in the bible for reasons I will explain later. He is said to be the father of all wolves. 

Well the gods were a little afraid of Fenrir because he grew so fast and was so strong and so they decided the were going to find a way to catch him without getting hurt in the process. So they prepared Leyding which was a kind of fetter to bind Fenrir with. So the gods went up to him and said. "Hey brother I bet you can't break these bands were going to tie you up with", but Fenrir believed he could so he told them to tie him up, he quickly broke through Leyding and was free. So the gods got out Dromi, a fetter supposed to be twice as strong and said: "Hey brother how bout Dromi; no way you can break Dromi." Fenrir was sure he could so he let them tie him up and he broke through Dromi with just a little difficulty. Well the gods were a little miffed because their plan had failed so they commissioned some dwarfs to make them a special fetter that could hold Fenrir. The dwarfs made them Gleipnir  made of five special elements. It was as soft as a ribbon but stronger than any chain. So the gods take Gleipnir to Fenrir and ask him to put it on. Fenrir, sure that some trickery was about to go down said he would only put it on if one of the gods put their hand in his mouth as assurance that they were not trying to trick him. Tyr volenteers and subsuqently looses a hand. Fenrir kicks against Gleipnir but is unable to get free. All the Gods laugh and they take him down under the earth to be held until  Ragnarök when he will escape and kill the god Odin. (This story is a very good parallel the story of Sampson and Delila from the bible. Delila tries to trick Sampson by tying him up but he breaks free until she cuts his hair then he gets thrown in the dungeon by the Philistines until he kills them all later.)


Even the gods are afraid of Fenrir (at least I am good company) What is super awesome though is that I know his name. Knowing a name gives you power; because I now know the big bad wolf's name I have power over him. (besides "Fenrir" is a lot easier to type than "the big bad wolf".


I have decided that I will take the aggressive stance. I am not going to sit idly by while Fenrir terrorizes me and my family (and eventually everyone who reads this blog if I fail in foiling him (sorry to get you involved)). I will keep you informed on my progress and hopefully get some photographs. Stay vigilant; stay safe.

(Th e pictures and summary were taken directly from Wikipedia. I might go to prison for copyright infringement, but I am sure I will be in good company.)
(P.S. I will have the wife update the blog while I am in prison so don't worry about missing any great stories.)

A short statement about knowledge

Truth in life is truth in death, and what is false in life shall be known in death.
Knowledge is glory and power  forever.

Raw (as in not cooked)

I want to part from my normal light hearted blogging to something of the utmost importance.

What is the most important thing in the world? Well this has been something debated from the beginning of time I am sure but I want to give you my spin; I believe the most important thing in the world is people. People matter more than anything. Because people are so important it makes sense that we should care about them.

My youngest little girl (8 months)

So what does it mean to care about people? Well first off don't try to figure out ways to kill them; second off, find ways to love them.  I hope at some point you all get a chance to have children because they are awesome. Children, especially your own children, are special because they are the only people with the capacity to love you without prejudice. A child doesn't care what you look like, where you come from, how rich you are, how well bred, or what you have done (or are doing) in your life; they love you raw. It is nearly inexpressible the power that a child's love has. A child's love-filled hug can bring the hardest person to their knees in tears.

My oldest little girl (2)

What I long for in my own life is the ability to love people raw; to have the same powerful love of a child. When I approach someone I want them to feel like they are the most loved person in the world. I want to look at a person and see only their soul, the part of them that is true and real. How blissful it would be to feel and express pure, unrestrained, and unprejudiced love.

A sick stomach and a sandwich.

Today I woke with the most horrible pain. I thought that I might die (my wife would say this is a typical male overreaction; if we ever had to deal with real pain we wouldn't whine so much). So, like a good man, I started complaining of how awful I felt. Then like a good woman my wife handed me a sandwich.

I tried to act thankful but what I really wanted was sympathy, or maybe a note to get out of school; neither of which I obtained. As I stood there with a mildly thankful pained look she gestured for me to take a bite. To tell you the truth I was not in the mood for a sandwich at all, but I mechanically opened my mouth, inserted the sandwich, and took a bite.

At this point I would like to say that my wife's wisdom and sandwich helped me to feel better, but alas this is not true; if anything I felt worse. I looked up at her again and faked a smile. She pinched my cheek, gave me a cheerful smile, then turned around and walked out of the room.

I promptly sat down and started to evaluate my life....

I haven't finished yet. I'll let you know what I come up with.

An Apple a Day

I really like apples a lot; I live by the addage, "an apple a day keeps the doctor away." What I didn't find out until just recently is that the full addage should go something like this, "an apple a day keeps the doctor away; two apples a day brings him back, three or more apples a day makes it exponentialy worse!"

Let me explain how I have come to this conclusion. I moseyed through life eating an apple a day feeling very fine about my self. I could run nearly a mile without stopping and I was up to fifteen or so push ups. I was the most handsome man I knew and never failed to mention to my wife that it was true. One day I felt a little sick so I turned to my favorite remedy, a nice juicy Granny Smith apple. I waited for about fifteen minutes and still felt sick so I tried a backup Gala apple and what do you know I felt better. From that day forward I ate two apples instead of one every day. After about a month I noticed that my ears were rimmed with a disgusting green color, and that the tips of my fingers were turning blue. I started to eat more apples to try to correct the sickly course my body was taking. I started eating so many apples my wife complained the store owners would hide their apples when they saw her coming so that there would be some left for their other customers. Finally after my cheeks were bloated and there was a huge lump in my side I decided to go to the doctor.

So I waited in a cold and poorly decorated examination room for Brian Specklebum M.D. He came in with his nurse who had stainless steel implements in all her pockets. The doctor looked in my ears, in my  eyes, down my throat and some of the more uncomfortable areas.

"Well Mr. Benji, how long has it been since you saw a doctor?"
"Well.. probably about ten years when I had a talking mole removed." (This was a lie, it had been nearly fifteen years and I had removed the talking mole myself).
"Ten years! That's downright irresponsible. Your supposed to get a checkup every year."
"I Know, but I have been eating and apple a day so I figgured I was covered." A grin started to spread across the doctors face.

"How many apples have you been eating a day Mr. Benji?"
"Well I suppose I am up to three or four hundred, so I should be set right?"
Picking up a wicked looking meat-pounder-like instrument he said, "Back in the sixtys 95 percent of my new patients suffred the side effects of apple over consumption. Most of them stayed my patients until they died painful, depressing, untimely deaths." I nearly wet my pants right there on the examination table  "I suppose you have been poping the Pink Ladys like antacids?"
"Well actually I have been favoring the more conservative Braeburns recently."
"More conservative HA! Your a very sick man Mr. Benji." I started looking around for apples to repel the increasingly creepy doctor and his salivating nurse.
"Mr. Benji, I suppose I could be persuaded to help you... for a price."
"Actually I am feeling quite chipper now I think I'll just be on my way." The nurse locked the door and stood infront of it holding two instraments that looked like they were meant for extracting vitals.
I said with a weak shaking voice "How much do you want?"
"It's not how much but what" He said in a voice tinged with death.
"What do you want?" My mind raced over all the horrible things a psyco doctor could possible want.
"I want your liver Mr. Benji, to feed my pet nurse here." I looked at the nurse who was now licking her lips in anticipation.
"I think I'll get a second opinion" I said in a fear squeaked voice.
"There's no need for that Mr. Benji, your in good hands." He said as he held a vile of fermented apple cider under my nose.

I woke up with a light shinning in my face and my wife talking in the distance. I felt my face, it wasn't bloated anymore. I looked for the lump in my side but all that was left was a scar. My wife noticed that I was awake and so rushed to my side. "Oh Benji you were half way through a golden delicious apple when you passed out. I know you don't like the doctor but I coldn't think of what else to do."
"What happened why do I have this scar?"
Brian Specklebum M.D. came over with a friendly smile. "Your appendix had swelled to 183 times its normal size so we had to remove it."
"Oh, so I had appendicitis?"
"No, there wasn't any infection it was just full of apple seeds, stems, and peels. Some of the stuff was getting pretty rotten. You really ought to consider peeling and slicing your apples before you eat them, or in your case I would recommend giving up apples altogether."
"But an apple a day keeps the doctor away." I said convinced that this was the most important principle of health
The doctor let out a warm amused laugh. "I hate to burst your bubble but "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" is just a clever advertising slogan. And besides we doctors are pretty nice."
I was stunned and hurt, my apple adage had been reduced to "Got Milk?" status.

I was numb as I scooted off the bed and put on my clothes. My wife looked at me with her lovely concerned face as she took my hand. We walked slowly out of the doctors office, but as I was passing by the nurses station I saw the wicked nurse relishing in what looked like a liver paste sandwich. I turned to my wife and said, "I am never going to the doctor again."
my wife just smiled at me and said "Do you want an apple."